Happy Friday!

These were selected by Chuck Norris as his favorite Chuck Norris sayings:
* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
* Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
The one I wish he’d had pick:
* Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. He has never cried. Ever.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.