Still Need a Laugh?

I've never watched 24, but these crack me up anyways.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a terrorist.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jack Bauer is going to find out why...

Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there's no life on Mars.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but that's just because it sounds like violent.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.

Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...